Graveyard Nights
by katskee
Summary: “’Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric!’ Who's Cedric your boyfriend?” “I you're lying,” said Harry automatically. But his mouth had gone dry. How he wished he was… [slash… HarryCedric oneshot]


**GRAVEYARD NIGHTS **

by squidward

**SUMMARY:** "'Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric!' Who's Cedric - your boyfriend?"

"I - you're lying," said Harry automatically. But his mouth had gone dry. How he wished he was… [slash… Harry/Cedric one-shot]

**RATING:** PG-13

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Harry Potter.

"Stupid Dudley!" Harry blurted angrily as he entered his room. Unable to vent his anger directly to his cousin, who was looking very pathetic because of the dementor attack, he kicked his trunk with all his might. But instead of making him feel calmer it just intensified his anger because he now had an aching foot to attend to. He silently cursed his trunk, jumped on his bed and buried his face on his pillow.

He never had a night so packed with tight problems like this before. He was facing expulsion from Hogwarts, the place he considered his true home. Then there was the Ministry of Magic hearing on the twelfth of August that would decide his future. The dementors lurking in Privet Drive, Mrs. Figg and Mundungus Fletcher tailing him in secret – still he hadn't received a single news from Dumbledore and his godfather, let alone from his bestfriends.

All the frustrations welling up inside him were all clamoring for release. He almost managed to let them out. During that time Dudley taunted him about moaning in bed, about his parents and Cedric…

Harry closed his eyes, wishing the voice in his head to shut up. But it didn't. Dudley's voice kept ringing in his ears…

"Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric! Who's Cedric - your boyfriend?" 

Harry strangled his pillow, squashed it furiously and threw it at the far end of the room. He smacked his face, slapped his cheeks as if waking himself up from a dreadful nightmare. An annoying voice kept on playing in his ears. He wanted to shut it, he wanted to banish it, but he couldn't. Dudley's voice continued to play in his head, clearer and louder than before.

"Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric! Who's Cedric - your boyfriend?" 

Curse Dudley! Why did he have to relive that memory again? Weren't his constant nightmares enough to remind him of that? Why did he have to remember it during his waking hours?

Harry stared blankly at the ceiling, which was blurry because he wasn't wearing his glasses. He sighed deeply, admitting defeat. He had no other choice but to think about that memory again. The graveyard flashed in his mind as clearly as it did on that fateful night last June. He could still feel his helplessness, being surrounded by a bunch of death eaters and the Voldemort back in full power. It was as if the portkey brought him to his grave. But it didn't. It was not his grave. It was Cedric's.

Cedric's dead end.

The same green light that killed his parents took Cedric's last breath. The sight was unbearable – Cedric falling on the ground, his eyes expressionless and his body as still as rock…

Harry felt an invisible knot in his chest tighten. Cedric was murdered in front of him and he did nothing to prevent it. He just stood there cowardly and watched everything that happened. He knew that this memory would haunt him forever. It was the price of his uselessness. He remembered the tears tickling down on Cho's face and the already swollen guilt inside him deepened.

He hated Cedric for stealing Cho's attention. He hated him for asking her to the ball. He hated him for depriving him of the opportunity to get closer to her, to know her, to care for her…

Should he feel happy now that Cedric was gone forever? _You can have Cho now,_ he told himself. But did he really wish for Cedric to die?

No, never. And he wouldn't dare. In spite of being his rival, both in Quidditch and in a girl's heart, he never wanted him to die. Deep inside he knew that an unknown force drew him towards Cedric, building an impenetrable attraction between them.

_Better without Cho than without Cedric_, his mind added as an afterthought.

Harry closed his eyes again. There, he had said it. It was like a heavy burden was lifted from his aching chest. _Better without Cho than without Cedric_. Was this the reason why Dudley's words affect him so much? Did he really touch a nerve?

"Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric! Who's Cedric - your boyfriend?" 

Was he angry because Cho liked Cedric or was he angry because Cedric liked Cho? Was he actually jealous at Cho and not at Cedric? Had he been pouring his feelings to the wrong person all along? Was it really Cedric that he liked and not Cho?

Cedric was a very good man after all. He was a model student, an excellent Quidditch player and a man of honor. He had always valued fair play. Harry remembered the memories he had with Cedric. The first time he met him when he was in third year, Harry fell from his broom because of the dementors and Cedric insisted for a rematch. Then when they used the portkey to go to the World Cup and the entire Triwizard tournament.

All of those memories were wonderful. Cedric was a lovable person indeed. Could anyone blame him for letting him have a special place in his heart? No, no one could blame him of course. Every bit of Cedric was wonderful.

Hadn't he tried to keep that wonderful creature alive? He tipped him about the dragons, saved him from Krum, and battled hideous monsters with him. He had tried to protect. He was too wonderful to lose. Yet, he lost him.

He let him die. It wasn't Cho's tears of grief that intensified his guilt. It was his own attraction to Cedric and his uselessness in that crucial situation that was bugging his conscience, hurting his heart.

Cedric entrusted his body to him. That trust he had given him was more valuable than all the treasures Gringotts was holding. Then even in death he saved him from Voldemort's clutches. It was more than what he could ask for.

Sleep was dawning on him. For the first time, he was anticipating those nightmares. Anticipating his sweet punishment. If his nightmares were his punishment then let them continue. At least, in those graveyard nights, Cedric had been alive. Cedric was breathing. Cedric was moving. Cedric was talking. Cedric was thinking. And thinking of nothing but him.

"Don't kill Cedric! Don't kill Cedric! Who's Cedric - your boyfriend?" 

How Harry wished he was.

===================

You can start firing those flames now. Just hit that little GO button, okay?__


End file.
